Nineteen ninety-three, shortly before Thanksgiving, I got the call. She said, "Jamal, Derek is no longer living." Softly she spoke. Is this a joke? Man, you gotta be kidding. As my question was raised, this explanation was giving: a meaningless death. Made me question the meaning of life. Does my body remain at rest like when I'm sleeping at night? Will I burn in eternal hell? Or will I find paradise? Be rejected or resurrected like the body of Christ? Is it like purgatory, the story described by the Catholics or nirvana that Buddha saw in both theory and practice, like I studied in my college philosophy classes? Or do my molecules and atoms travel back to the gases? I mean, what I'd like to know is where's my spirit go after the curtains close on my final show? Is there a pain it brings? Enjoy my favorite things? Visit ancient kings? Hear the angel sing? "Who'll answers these," said the great MCs. My man Gremel's battling a debilitating disease. He said, "You see, a brother like me is willing to fight." And every time I question death my only answer in life. One life. Yeah, and my God will set me free. Am I living in this moment? Am I living righteously? It gets hard, but I know I've got to keep on. I'm trying so hard to be strong. Paralyzed on the bathroom floor by pain. Last month I endured, but now I can't ignore. Feels like railroad spikes being stuck in my liver. Am I dying? Eyes crying, body's starting to shiver. Crawl upstairs from the basement, calling my sister. "Dawn, help me. I ain't feeling too healthy." Stomach walls burning, head spinning and turning. Waiting for the EMS, 3:10 in the morning. Rush me to emergency, screaming like a newborn. The pain's too strong. Maybe my soul's trying to move on. He hooked me to the I.V. Put me through some x-rays. Gave me Demorall to kill the pain, that was the next phase. Early the next day in a hospital room, Mom's and Pop's in the room, three or four docs in the room. My test results suggest, "Your colon and your liver is so cancerous, you got 3 months left." Me and death is playing chess ever since then. My strength is the most high, my fam and close friends. The Last Emp been sent free, blessed me with a verse. Staying healthy comes first. Look at me, things could be worse. One life. Yeah, and my God will set me free. Am I living in this moment? Am I living righteously? It gets hard, but I know I've got to keep on. I'm trying so hard to be strong. One life. Yeah, and my God will set me free. Am I living in this moment? Am I living righteously? It gets hard, but I know I've got to keep on. I'm trying so hard to be strong.